In October, 2018 I experienced a particularly tragic loss and needed the help of a therapist to help me navigate life “after”. After the life altering event. After the shock. After the funeral. After everyone else’s lives went back to normal. The depth of the water was too deep and I had to completely surrender to the monumental work of moving forward through therapy. There has been one analogy that my therapist used early on that has been at the center of my healing: sit in your canoe. Initial reaction: Sit in my what, now? I had to learn and practice how to sit in my canoe, sit with my feelings. Don’t bail out of the canoe, don’t frantically paddle, just sit. The tides of life ebb and flow; I happily rode the waves when they were tall and exciting and fun but when the tide drifted out I was sucked into the depths. I ignored the fact that the wave would eventually crash and that the tide would come back in. They coexist. In between is the calm. In between is where you find focus, stability, clarity, and resilience.
It is one of the hardest thing to do. To sit, feel, notice, acknowledge, and not react. It takes patience, which I have very little of. It takes trust both in yourself and in the universe, which I now have an abundance of. Most of all, it takes practice – practice of sitting with the uncomfortable, the ickiness that life sometimes serves up. That figurative canoe gave me the protection and security I needed to heal and continues to be the place I turn to first when a shit storm blows through.
Be calm, be still, and sit in your canoe! (I promise, it works.)
Xoxo, Shar
October, 2019